Quieting unhelpful thoughts and welcoming balance

Knowing that I am getting ready to undertake this three month clearing diet (and the life beyond) has had some interesting affects of my brain.

It seems that I have quite a diverse audience in my head. I have the voice that says cut things out slowly so that you are eased into this and there it isn't such a jolt (or in the case of caffeine and sugar a lack of jolt). I have the quiet murmurer in the back wondering if NYC will be less fun because I have slowly cut things out now if splurge while I am there, will I feel sick if I do, will it be worth it, does that throw away over a month of cutting these foods to a minimum and negate that effort? There is also the very rude hiss from the front row that keeps brining up that I should just cut it all out now and get on with it.

The take away for me, is that this is a really good lesson in balance and control. This awesome experiment is not meant to create a disordered eating pattern or a troubled relationship with food for me. It is meant to be a learning experience for me so that I can see precisely what effect different foods have on my personal system. This will allow me to choose to make whatever choices work for me at any given time KNOWING what I can expect. Having the ability to manage our expectations is HUGE and this will do exactly that.

Having this very clear goal in mind has been really helpful.  Knowing that this is about eating for how one feels is very different than tangling with the emotional ties to food, it sort of cuts through all of the food politicians yammering in the peanut gallery of my brain.

I am not trying to deny the memories and feelings associated with different foods, I have no desire to change any of that at all. Why should I deny that cabbage and butter noodles, a stewed quince, tart warm lemon pudding just beginning to form a skin on top and pomegranates all have ties to my maternal grandmother while chewy gingery molasses cookies, granola, lemon bars, fudge, croissants, humbow and anything raspberry are wrapped in childhood memories with my mother. There are just as many foods that don't conjure up warm fond memories with these same two incredible women, turkey soup, turkey enchiladas, (actually every and anything made with turkey other than a roasted turkey dinner) liverwurst, tuna sandwiches, lima beans and ham, crunchy peanut butter just to name a few.

My point?

Food is not evil, it is what it is. The less power we give it the less of a problem it becomes, and the less chance we have of becoming a disordered eater. There will absolutely be days in my future when I choose to have a bite of my memories, both the amazing ones and the ones not so amazing as that is a distinct way of time travel and that is really going to be ok, because a bite or a serving doesn't need to change a damn thing if we are being mindful, aware eaters. One bite or serving does not predicate the next if we are in control.

My mother used to say that if a person could bottle and sell balance they would be the richest person in the world. She is right. She is almost always right.

This has been really helpful for me to remember in talking back to the peanut gallery in my head, to those all or nothing voices in my head I say say sit down! This is my journey not yours. My science experiment not yours.

I will indeed continue cutting back and keep trying recipes in preparation for this exciting science experiment, and at the same time I am going to continue to enjoy my one cappuccino a day and for now I will have as many bell peppers as I please!!!